August 24th, A Shiny New Penny

I walked into the club and instantly felt uneasy.  I was taken by surprise by unforeseen anxiety and shortness of breath.  It was my first visit to the club since the boundary-breaking encounter with Fabio and its unfortunate repercussions with Nick.  I did not expect it to difficult for me to return.  Bill reminded me that I was safe among friends. Phil updated me on the status of club reprimands for Fabio’s misguided actions and reassured me that the club had my back.  With all that I took a deep breath and tried to shake my insecurities.

This was also my first club outing since Kelly and I resolved our differences and became friends.  And since the source of our prior discord had been Ron, I wanted to touch base with her and make sure we were on the same page.  I found her dressing for the evening in one of the sleeping rooms.  I approached her and asked her if she had plans with Ron and if so to just let me know and I will step aside.  I did not want to risk our fragile friendship running awry. She looked at me with an expression that told me she was saying the ‘expected’ as opposed to what she might really think.  I was a bit deflated when I realized that we were not really communicating.  I reminded her that I did not pick up on the social clues the last time things went afoul and that her explicitly telling me what she thought or wanted on the matter of Ron would go a long way to ensure that I do not miss the clues again tonight.  But, she had no intention of making it easy. 

In hindsight, I realized that Kelly may have been a little miffed at me.  We had talked about going out together to the other club the previous night.  But, when the opportunity arose, I was not eager to go together for purely selfish reasons.  I did not want to share Ron on our first night together after the long summer. I was very reluctant to explain to Kelly my motivation, but ultimately I did and hoped that she was not offended. It was certainly not very ‘lifestyle’ of me to not want to share, but I did not want to share.  And in the interest of being up front and honest, I said so.  My expressed desire to have one-on-one time with Ron managed to make its way back to Ron via the grapevine. I was uncomfortable that this personal tidbit of my desire was shared with Ron.  I did not want to be perceived as possessive, because I was not.  I was selfish in not wanting to share and perhaps even greedy.  So maybe Kelly’s response to my inquiry about her evening plans with Ron was more in reaction to her being annoyed with my prior behavior regarding our night out that did not come to fruition.

Before dinner I saw Bill talking with an attractive blond woman in her mid-50s.  I could see a familiar energy exchange between the two as they spoke.  And I knew that Bill had a ‘date’ tonight with Mona.  Mona was also Nick’s favorite playmate whom I had yet to meet.  So, I walked directly up to Bill and Mona and introduced myself to her.  She realized who I was fairly quickly and graciously thanked me for sharing my husband with her so freely.  She seemed like a nice enough woman, but I chose to keep my distance and space for the evening.  I wanted to allow Nick the freedom and comfort to continue to explore with Mona at will.  I did not want to provide him with anything from me – a comment or look – that could give him any kind of pause.  Mona was his choice and I respected that.  So I was friendly, polite and gave her wide berth without being rude (I hoped).

I watched the dinner dynamics at the table between Bill and Mona, Ron and Kelly, and Nora and myself.  Despite what Kelly had told me about having no plans to fuck Ron, she was being aggressively sexually suggestive with him. Whether she wanted to make a point or whether she wanted to fuck him I could not tell.  But I wanted to give her space, as well.  It had been difficult not being friends for many months, especially in terms of the deleterious effects it had on my close friendship with Bill, and I did not want to return to that depressing milieu.

When Kelly moved out onto the dance floor and up into the cage, I knew she would be occupied dancing for a while.  I took advantage of the moment.  I asked Ron if he thought this would be a good time for us to escape to the play space and fuck while Kelly was otherwise occupied.  He concurred and we headed upstairs. On the way we stopped in the sleeping room to change into bedroom attire (no street clothes allowed in the play area). I asked Ron what he thought of Mona.  I said that I had heard from a couple of sources that she was a lot of fun to play with and that maybe Ron might want to consider playing with her.  But, Ron very explicitly told me that he did not want to encroach on Bill’s date for the evening and that he wanted to be respectful of Bill.

It was early in the night and the play space was vacant with the exception of Sara and Jeffery, the monitors.  This lovely couple tends to play off the typical club evening sexual cycles in order to meet Jeffery’s official club responsibilities.  They were lightly touching and clearly moving toward something way more intimate and intense.  Ron and I smiled at them mischievously and headed around the corner to my favorite froggie chair (Ron prefers the froggie chair that is in the highly trafficked area nearest the top of the stairs…it tends to lead to more sex with other people for him and more possibilities of group involvement).

We played under the black lights on the beds adjacent to the froggie chair for a while.  We were kissing, tumbling, sucking, finger fucking and thoroughly enjoying ourselves. It did not take long before we were both ravenous more.  My body was ripe, ready and eager for his cock. We shifted up onto the froggie chair and he plunged his considerable cock deep into my insatiable cunt and I melted with pleasure.

As usual, Ron liberated my overly exuberant sexual exclamations.  My moans and cries escalated and reverberated throughout the play area causing a virtual clamor of pleasurable sound.  Soon our ecstatic symphony was matched by similar gratifying sounds from the opposite side of the play space.  Sara and Jeffery were matching our sexual calls with their own and between the four of us we had a veritable erotic orchestra sending erotic music out to all within hearing distance. It was an excellent first fuck of the night with Ron and a sexually satisfying way to start a promising evening.

We headed back downstairs and Ron was immediately whipped up into the dancing frenzy with the wanton whirlwind that was Kelly and a couple of other apparently unattached desirous women.  Almost instantly, the women who were dancing with Ron were taking turns sucking on Ron’s cock and he was loving it! I opted to head off in another direction for the evening since I was side-lined from dancing due to a knee injury. 

I found myself in the indoor hot tub chatting and relaxing with a couple and a single man that I had not encountered before.  He was not particularly talkative, but did eventually ask me rather directly if I wanted to go upstairs to play.  I answered, “maybe.” A totally uncool answer without a doubt!  But, I just was not sure, I had not even seen this man beyond his head…the rest of him was submerged.  He looked incredulous at my non-committal answer. After another couple of moments I moved over to sit with him to see if I could pick up a vibe or something that could help me decide if I wanted to play with him. Once sitting closer, I stretched my legs over his lap and he began to massage my feet and calves.  His touch held a lot of potential and I wanted to feel his hands roam across my body.  It made me wonder what else his energy had to share with me.

Needless to say, we decided to go upstairs to play.  At the top of the stairs I saw Ron at the froggie chair pounding away at a woman – though she did not look like one of the women I had seen him with on the dance floor….so I wondered what happened to that set of ladies.  But, clearly, erotic fun was well under motion and there was a group gathered around watching, touching and probably hoping to participate. I did not see Nora.

I also saw Bill and Mona engaged in some raucous sex in the open play area immediately to the right at the top of the stairs and just around the corner from Ron and his sexual frenzy.  Bill was pounding Mona hard. And he had a huge smile of his face that was radiating so brightly that it practically lit up that side of the play area.  He looked up and saw me entering the play space with the hot tub man, Calvin, and waved enthusiastically at me without missing a beat as he vigorously thrust in and out of Mona’s pussy. It was a pretty funny site all things considered.

Calvin and I selected a lower bed in the 60s neon flower child environs and started kissing which led very quickly to Calvin’s tongue and lips on my vulva and his fingers in my pussy. It was decidedly pleasant and felt increasingly good. I was beginning to respond with gentle writhing and moans.  Calvin took this as a positive sign. He had indeed started my orgasmic engines, but he had not revved them up to anywhere near top speed.  But it was enough for me to take mattes into my own hands.  He rolled over and leaned back with his condom-clad cock reaching for the ceiling. 

I climbed above his cock and wrapped my pussy around his shaft from top to bottom. He felt good inside and my cunt was already approaching a point where I just could not deny myself. So I rode his cock hard in brief spurts, feeling his rigid member push rhythmically up against my G-Spot until I began a series of explosive repeated climaxes.  I just kept riding him, causing his cock to move deliberately around inside my pussy allowing me to reach a point where I simply could not hold back.  I came over and over again on top of him.  He looked up at me with surprise and uttered, ‘oh, wow.’  I smiled devilishly and said, “you know I am just using you for my own pleasure here.”  He smiled and said, “ I am totally good with that.”  I laughed and climaxed a few more times before Calvin rolled me over on my back and fucked me hard for a few minutes before his condom-clad cock exploded inside my pussy. I could almost feel his ejaculation slamming up against my cervix.  I love to feel a man ejaculate inside my cunt. It makes me hot just thinking about the feeling as I write.  But, in the non-monogamy world, I never experience the erotic and sensual feel of the force of a man’s ejaculate inside me.  And I almost never feel it when he is condom-clad. So this was a rare delight.

Calvin and I really did not talk.  It was essentially an anonymous fuck.  I was not especially social on this night and I used him in the way that men so often use women.  And he was as good with it as I usually am when I am on the receiving end.  We parted saying that we might see each other later in the night. And yes, it would be fun to have another go.  Destiny did not see fit to cross our paths again this night, but I would enjoy fucking him again should the opportunity arise.

After freshening up, I went downstairs to rehydrate.  I checked out the dance floor and watched the remaining sexies out there dancing.  Some of the club patrons were a real treat to watch on the dance floor.  The women in particular could be overtly erotic….but I wondered if they played upstairs where the sexual is completely open or if they just stayed downstairs for the extended tease.  I have yet to determine what really happens with some those sexy writhing females bodies on the dance floor. Some I have never seen upstairs.

As I was watching, a man that called himself Ralph approached me.  It was very curious because he looked nothing like a Ralph and it was a bit tough for me to keep a straight face when he told me his name was Ralph (there is a long history with the name that I will spare you).  The juxtaposition between the name and the package was just extreme.  But, Ralph sounded like it could be a fun.

Ralph was new in the club scene and said he had come to the club with a female friend who was off playing somewhere.  He asked me if I would be interested in playing with him.  He was gung ho to jump in feet first and was looking for a willing and ready playmate.  I was not especially attracted to his physical self, but I found his frankness to be appealing and brave.  So, I decided to take him up for a spin to see what he could offer.  As we were walking though the play area, I heard Ron call out my name.  I looked into one of the large lower beds near the bathroom and froggie chair.  I was greeted with an interesting sight, but not quite the configuration that I had expected to see.  I saw Kelly who I thought would be fucking Ron, but there was someone in between Ron and Kelly.  Who that heck was that woman?  I had not the slightest idea who she was, but her face was deeply entrenched in Kelly’s pussy and Kelly looked as though her pussy receptive capacity was on the edge of being exceed by the exuberance of this clearly very bi-sexual woman.  Likewise at the other end, so to speak, I saw Ron’s cock fucking this woman enthusiastically from behind.  Ron was smiling from ear to ear and Kelly was equally as thrilled…well sort of. I was free to join, but did not. In hindsight, I had had many opportunities to join in some very fun sexy action with Ron or others through out the evening, and I probably should have jumped at the chance.

Ralph selected an upper bed with a broad view of two areas of the play space.  I understood the appeal, but at this time of the evening, the upper areas can get down right hot!  And sure enough, it was sweltering up there.  But, what the heck, that is what showers are for.  So we headed up the ladder. 

Ralph wanted to touch my body and massage me.  He traipsed his fingertips lightly over my entire body.  It was a somewhat pleasant feel but it was not sexually arousing per se.  Honestly it was more likely to put me to sleep that get me off.  Just as I was considering mixing it up, he settled upon my pussy for what turned out to be a most unusual experience.  Ralph began to gently pinch my vulva.  He methodically went up and down my inner and outer labia careful to include every nook and cranny.  He gently pinched every little bit of me.  I was getting very mildly aroused by the odd sensations, but it was not making me want to fuck him (or anyone).  I was beginning to writhe slightly and moan ever so gently.  He, however, was getting unbelievably rock hard.  His perception of my pleasure was phenomenally exciting for him.  He explicitly said that my getting so excited was an incredible turn on for him. 

Okay, for anyone who reads my blog, you will know that the above paragraph did not indicate at all that I was salivating with desire.  It was all I could do not to laugh when I thought of the difference between my reaction (and his interpretation of it) to his touch and my true sexual orgasmic capacity.  I knew then that he really was knew to the club, because while I don’t know that many people, it is not exactly a secret that I am multi-orgasmic and down right loud when the sex is phenomenal.

Anyway, I was glad Ralph was pleased with himself and decide to let him enjoy his sexual foray.  I gleefully wrote it all off as an anthropological experience for myself!  Ok, not so nice, but I did not have the heart to tell him what I was really thinking nor did I have the desire to hang in there and guide him to meet my needs.  So with his excited rigid cock condom clad, he rammed himself into my pussy for a minute or so and we were done.  One take away from this encounter was that I really should insist on lube.  Often, like in this encounter, men do not think that need to use lube.  I can assure you, it is always better with proper lubricant!!

After a quick shower, I found Ron, Bill and Mona all downstairs near the dance floor.  I touched Ron’s back and he felt hot and sticky.  I wondered if the erotic moist heat emanating from his back was from recent dancing or residual sexual exuberance.  I was predisposed to assume the later.  I was not inclined to hang around the dance floor and Mona.  I was not in the mood to be politely social and knew that she might want to connect since she was my husband’s regular fuck buddy.  I figured making myself scarce was a better approach and it allowed me to avoid being misinterpreted…a common occurrence.

Nora appeared from somewhere like magic.  I asked her to accompany me to the yurt out behind the club.  It was literally a yurt, which these days was being used as separate space to explore alternative erotic play.  The sexy activities in the yurt were BDSMesque, with flogging on a St. Andrew’s cross, fire play and a violet wand for electrical stimulation.   I was interested in trying the fire play.  Nora had tried it earlier this year and enjoyed it a lot.   Unfortunately, someone was already engaged in fire play so it was not to be.  Instead Nora and I watched an amazingly erotic scene with Alan sending electric charges through his fingertips all over the body of a sexy physically enticing man.  He was completely nude, resting back on a table.  Alan was traipsing his fingers over his body with special attention to his breasts and nipples.  It was an intensely erotic experience for him, which increased to epic proportions when Alan’s touch moved to his cock and balls.  He loved it. He was beside himself with explicit expression of undeniable pleasure that bordered on the edge of pain.  This man was writhing on the bed at Alan’s touch and crying out with exuberance while teetering on the pain/pleasure threshold.  It was undoubtedly one of the most erotic visual and aural scenes I have ever been granted the opportunity to witness.  It was a pivotal moment for me to experience by proximity the magnitude of erotic energy that lingering on the brink of pain could deliver.  And a man writhing at the hands of another man while his female partner looked on was fabulously seductive.

After the BDSM yurt, I headed back up to the hot tub to just relax and avoid people dynamics.  I was not up for anything heavy tonight and did not want to engage anyone about anything that was even remotely serious and was content to keep somewhat to myself.  As I was slowly melting into the hot tub, I noticed Ron walk past the window with Mona trailing him.  Now, I thought that was a very interesting turn of events.  I wondered how it had come to pass that the two of them were heading up into the play area together.  Just a few hours earlier, Ron told me that he would not pursue Mona because of his respect for Bill.  It was a bit curious for me, but I did not dwell on it much as I really did not care that much about what action led to what movement.  I thought hooray for Ron, because it was clear that he got an undeniable high out of fucking new women….fucking new women was like a source of adrenalin for Ron in the same way that being fucked by a number of men in a Gang Bang scenario sends me soaring to ecstatic heights.

While Mona and Ron were fucking away upstairs, I went trolling around the club with no real goal or intent.  What I found was totally out of character for the club and really set me on edge.  At the door to the sleeping room I encountered a couple.  He was sitting on a chair and visibly upset; she was on her knees looking compunctious and crying.  They were conversing in whispers, but the gravity of the exchange was clear even from a distance. 

I needed to find another space to occupy that did not have this heavy emotional vibe saturating the air.  I found Denise sitting alone in a single chair placed on the dance floor watching a few remaining sexy ladies slithering around each other and entwining themselves in the bars of the elevated cage in a steamy and sensuous fashion. It is always a delight to watch the sexy bi-tending ladies dance together.  I joined Denise and enjoyed the erotic display for a while. And then Denise and I were distracted by what appeared to be an aggressive argument between a woman and a man wearing a heavy chain collar – the same man that I had passed ten minutes earlier on slamming his cock doggy style into a woman in the downstairs conversation pit nearest the play area.  He was fucking her ruthlessly when I passed.  He had a tight grip on her hair, pulling her head and neck back as he pummeled her pussy with almost violent disregard.   She was not going anywhere until he fucked her to his satisfaction. I had been a bit taken aback by his demeanor and the intensity of the sexual exchange at the time. It was edgier sex than I typically witnessed in the club.

Near the dance floor we hear a loud, hard, resounding slap. Denise and I were now completely distracted by the ensuing argument that we witnessed.  We discussed between us whether the aggressive and very non-club like behavior was part of their own play style or whether there was actually a serious violent tending incident playing out before our eyes.  It was a 50-50 call.  But, even if it was part of their play repertoire, it was decidedly out of the comfort zone of expected club conduct. Denise left to discuss the confrontation with Phil, one of the club managers.

Shaking off the residue of confrontation, I headed upstairs into the sleeping room only to discover the earlier couple at one end of the sleeping area cuddled and crying together…not in a loving intimate way but rather in a painful hurt kind of way.  Argh! That energy was a major downer and not one in which I wished to share physical space.

Seeking only happy, sensual energy, I headed back up into play spaces.  I was trolling around with half a mind to play and half a mind to sleep – though the sleeping room was contaminated with negative energy and the play area was still a cacophony of moans and cries of ecstasy. I rounded the corner and stopped in my tracks. I saw Ron and Mona entwined in an intimate, affectionate cuddle, which I recognized immediately.  I knew they had been playing for hours so the sex must have been great (and I had certainly heard plenty from both Nick and Bill that Mona was a blast in the sack), but I had not suspected that there would be a bond.  Ron comes and goes and fucks a wide range of women.  And I really had never cared in the least.

But, seeing Ron and Mona enmeshed with such intimacy, shockingly caused me pain. It hurt because I realized that the special place that I had held in his eye was diminished.  I had been feeling this moment coming for some months as the newness of our time together withered and Ron’s touch gradually lost its urgency.  Do not get me wrong, Ron and I are magnetically attracted to each other and that continues with its own sense of greedy desire.  But, to lose the status of the shiny new playmate was painful.

I was stunned by my reaction. It was entirely unexpected. I had no idea that I had emotions twisted up in what I had considered a fantastic sexual friendship.  We were always mutually desirous and our sexual ardor remained intense.  But, when did I become somehow bonded to Ron in a way that would permit me to have such a strong emotional reaction to seeing him and Mona cuddled intimately together. I was overwhelmed, bewildered and astonished by my reaction, which I deemed to be entirely out of bounds and inappropriate.  I had been preparing for weeks to encounter Nick and Mona together and was somewhat emotionally steeled for that event.  I had also know for months that Mona was a favorite of Bill as well…with whom I had developed a deep friendship – with occasional benefits – over the last year, a relationship I valued highly.

In the beginning, it was all about sex.  But, somewhere along the line select playmates became friends.  When and how it happened, I do not know.  I do think that I was probably the only one who did not realize that I was developing attachments.  In the beginning, Nick and I talked about attachment and polyamory.  At the time I insisted that I was only interested in the encounters for the sake of sex.  And the pure sexual component remains paramount for me.  But, Nick said that he liked personal connections and thought he many be more inclined toward poly relationships.  During the early days of our non-monogamy foray, I did not really see myself connecting emotionally at all in any significant way, never mind anything even approaching poly. I still don’t really see the poly world as a place the adequately addresses my newfound emotional connections.

Astonished by my visceral reaction to seeing Ron and Mona embracing and fondling in such an intimate way, I left the play area and returned to the sleeping area.  I laid down next to Nora who was already there trying to sleep.  She looked at me and asked what was wrong, so it must have been written plainly on my face.  My expression pretty much tells all…even when I do not want it to. I told her that Ron had “found his new favorite play toy” and she said, “You mean his penis?”  I said, “No, where he puts his penis.” “Ahhhhh,” and she understood immediately what I meant.  Ron and Nora had been in the lifestyle for many, many years and I was certain that this was something with which Nora was well experienced.  I wondered how it made her feel that I was having difficulty with Ron’s enthusiasm for a new woman.  How ironic and misplaced my reactions must have seemed to her.  Ron is her husband, after all. 

I drifted off to sleep as I struggled internally with my thoughts and emotions.  I was phenomenally hurt at the realization that I was no longer Ron’s shiny new penny and that he may have found his new obsession.  I had not realized how much I had enjoyed holding a special place in his sphere (and I wondered how much that might bother Nora).  I was devastated to realize that I did not know my own feelings and emotions.  I had been a master at denial for this to hit me so hard. And I was very angry with myself that I reacted the way I did.  I felt a tumultuous storm churning inside which violently questioned my motivation and the core of my being.  I was so distraught with my own reaction that I was literally nauseous.

I finally found myself in a rocky, light slumber but was unable to settle deeply into sleep because I was cold.  I debated getting up and going to sleep in the play area where it was warmer, but could not find the motivation to move.  Eventually Ron entered the sleeping room, woke Nora and asked her to join him in the play area to sleep together.  He turned to me and my gaze once again must have been revealing.  The first thing out of his mouth was, “Are you mad at me?”  So he knew.  I was not mad at him at all, but I was seethingly furious with myself.  I did not want to join him in the sleeping area.  But, I was cold and agreed to go anyway.  Truthfully, if I had a vehicle that night I would have left the club.  My negative energy was no good for anyone and I needed to fight my own demons.

As I was departing the sleeping area, Kelly and Bill were entering and I felt an interesting energy waft over from them, something with a message for me. I could not interpret it, but it felt a bit like a warning.  I should have heeded my instincts and stayed.  But, instead I went with Nora and Ron to the play space to sleep as we so often have in the past.

It was a mistake for me to join Ron.  I did not know that Mona was an invited bedmate for the sleeping portion of the night as well.  I bristled more strongly than I ever would have anticipated.  I had zero desire to sleep with Mona – who was now firmly sexually (and emotionally?) entrenched with the three men that I care about.  Mona was Nick’s absolute favorite playmate. Bill very much enjoyed her company with some regularity and now Ron.  I was perplexed at how Mona could almost overnight be in every corner of my non-monogamy world.  And while I held nothing against her for her involvement with these men and I understood the nature of the non-monogamous world, I did not want to sleep with her.

My bristling was apparent to Ron.  I needed to leave the space for a while to try and find my equilibrium. I did not want to say anything I would regret and I most certainly did not want to communicate any of this to Mona, because she really had very little to do with it.  It was about me.  And it would have been very unfair for me to give her any other impression. 

Ron blocked my way out of the chosen sleep space.  I firmly told him that I was going to sit in the hot tub. I repeated myself probably three times.  Ron did not move but rather observed me with intention and an energy that I could not readily identify.  Whatever it was, I sensed that it would exceed my comfort zone exponentially and I hoped he would choose not to reveal it to me.  He watched me closely and seemed to be debating what action if any he should take given my obvious state of irritation.   Ron wisely moved aside just when I was about to burst with the need to escape the situation.

I sat in the hot tub for quite a sustained length of time.  I would have slept there if I did not think I would slide under the water and drown by accident.  I was trying to understand what the hell was going on inside my head.  I was trying to be rational and calm. Eventually, I talked myself back down into a zone of logic where I could see how irrational and inappropriate my responses were.  I returned to the sleeping space and curled up in my sheet and blanket about as far away from Ron, Mona and Nora as I could get and slept in fits and starts for the remainder of the night.

As the night transitioned into morning, Ron and I began to reach out toward each other seeking reconnection.  I wanted to feel him and gage my response to him following such a turbulent internal event.  He asked if I was okay.  I said I was not entirely okay.  He asked if I was angry with him.  I was not angry with him.  But, I was very angry with myself.  I asked him to join me in the hot tub so we could talk.

Once alone in the hot tub I explained to him my reaction to what I had witnessed between him and Mona the night before. I explained how it made me feel and how much it hurt to experience the end of the special place I held in his eye.  I tried to explain it with the analogy of ‘a shiny new penny.’  I had been his shiny new penny for many months – more months than I could have anticipated, truthfully.  But, that now he had found another woman with whom he found a similar connection.  She seemed to be the ‘shiny new penny.”  I think he understood what I was saying.  I expressed that I also felt my feelings to be both entirely inappropriate and out of bounds. Ron reaffirmed the value of our sexual friendship and his commitment to his marriage with Nora – which he was always adamant about and which I fully respected, just as he respected my marriage.

Ron and I reconnected sexually in the froggie chair with a resounding morning fuck.   Ironically, Sara and Jeffery were in the play area again.  The four of us shared our boisterous expression of exuberant sexual pleasure with each other as the night came to a close and daylight streamed through the windows.  Not surprisingly, we roused the few remaining sexies and some of them also began their own carnal indulgence that led to a virtual orchestra of sexual harmony.

Post-sex Ron and I returned to the hot tub and found Nora and Mona chatting.  I have no idea the direction of their conversation, but am sure it would have been fun to be a fly on the wall.  Nora pretty immediately rose to leave the hot tub.  I followed shortly thereafter; I did not wish to stay with Mona and Ron. And I knew that Ron would like to be alone with Mona, so I went to shower.  While I took one of the first club showers alone that I have had in many months, through the steamy windows I could see Ron glide through the bubbling water over to Mona and slip his fingers inside her pussy, her back arched with visible pleasure.

As I dressed, I told Nora exactly what I had told Ron.  I did not want her to think that I was encroaching on her husband in any way.  I wanted her to be fully informed. She said she understood, was not surprised and did not feel threatened by me in any way.  She also said that it was perfectly clear that Ron and I had a very unique connection.  She had seen that for many months.  It seems that I was the only one that was wearing blinders. Nick had said something quite similar months earlier.  It seemed I was an expert of denial.

I went downstairs to breakfast and found myself choosing a seat at a table with Bill, Mona and Ron and two other people.  There were three empty seats between the two men.  I knew that there was an intimate connection between us all.  Both Moan and I had both had shared both men as well as my husband.  I opted not to sit next to either man.  A bizarre choice, perhaps, but I just was not comfortable in the proximity of either Ron or Bill over breakfast, or Mona for that matter!  I needed my own space. I felt surrounded by an intricate web that I did not realize I had taken a part in weaving until this weekend.  How did I manage to let myself get so complicated?

Upon departing the club, I rode with Nora and Ron on the way back south to pick up my car.  It was a low energy time without a lot of talking. In hindsight, I am not sure that anyone really knew what to say.  I had gotten all weird the night before (and probably even this morning).  I was fairly despondent and I did not know what I thought about what had happened and had no idea what to say about any of it.  We stopped off for Mexican for lunch.  We sat in a booth that was opposite a booth full of children.  I sat next to Ron and Nora was opposite us.  As a result of the proximity of children, I found myself speaking softly so that we would not be overheard.  In retrospect that was a very poor choice. Later Nora lamented that for the first time she had felt like a third-wheel during that meal.  She could not hear the conversation and thought we/I was shutting her out.  I was shocked when she told this to me, but given the events of the night before and my sharing with both her and Ron separately in the morning, I cannot say that her reaction was out of line.  When I look back now, it does strike me as, perhaps, a sign of more than feeling like a third-wheel at a shared meal.

Later when I met up with Nick, he could sense my mood.  But, he was exhausted from his weekend camping trip.  I gauged our moods and felt like talking about what had happened should wait until the morning.  But, of course, Nick and his ever over active imagination began to spin a web of anxiety for himself.  By the time the next morning rolled around he was worried and had had little sleep. 

He joined me in the shower and I tried to explain to him what had happened and how it had made me feel.  It was very hard for me to share this with Nick, but again, I was promoting our policy of full disclosure.  I knew that Nick had thought I was more into Ron that I would admit for quite sometime.  And it turned out that he was correct.  It just took me a little longer than pretty much anyone else to figure it out for myself. 

I overestimated Nick’s capacity to be empathetic and understand that I was hurting.  I was hoping that he would be able to comfort me and just be present to bear witness to my experience and how it made me feel.  Instead I was sad when he said to me that he understood because Ron had been my ‘new shiny penny’ to the detriment of Nick’s special shine in my eye.  I was floored that my husband could for a minute assume that my open marriage friendship with Ron (and his wife) was in anyway a dimming of my own husband’s appeal.  I was stunned and saddened.  But then again, I suppose asking so much of my spouse even in an open marriage was being overly optimistic.